Hello, It's Been a While

Well, I've been a bit lax, haven't I?

So much going on. Pygmalion has closed. Peyton Place getting ready to open, opening tonight, actually.

Obviously, I had some pride in Pygmalion. It was a script that I brought to the table, and the show was well-received. Great cast, good people. That said, I was happy to be done.

If nothing else, I got to shave and cut my hair. It was all gone within 24 hours of walking off stage for the last time.

Honestly, I've been slow getting on with the blog just because I've felt...slow. I'm tired. Very, very tired. It's been 12 days since Pygmalion closed, and those twelve days feel like months. I mean, I went right into full runs and tech for Peyton after Pygmalion closed, and that felt a lot like whiplash.

Then I got in a car accident. I got rear-ended, and pushed into the car in front of me. Of course, this happened on the day that was supposed to be my "day off" to relax before tech kicked in. The car's a mess, but I feel fine. The insurance company wanted to total it, but we decided to get it fixed. It's a good little car and CByrd and I love it.

Honestly, I cannot wait to not have rehearsals to go to. This year has been a blessing, I've been working on one thing or another, solid, since last...June, I think. It's great to know that so many people enjoy and want to work with me, but God, I am tired.

I want some free time again, I want to work on music (Jesus, that song and dance, again?). I have a few things on the far horizon, and I will need to start poking around for a Fall project soon, but I am blissfully free of commitments until June. I'm sure 2 weeks after Peyton Place closes, I'll have a panic attack/breakdown about never getting hired again, but I need to not be working for a bit.

In June I'll be doing a one-night performance of a lovely little script as part of Leapfest X, called Your Teacher is Out Today. It's a one-man show, and we're only doing it once. So, I'll let you know about that.

In may, it's vacation time. It sounds like we'll be kicking around England, again. Including Cardiff, where we're sure to visit this.

I'm determined to get some of this music finished. I'm also determined to get some more writing done. I'm generally determined to have some time off, and be productive with it.

Stuck in My Head - Broken and Ugly

I can't find a real video of this version of the song, which is my favorite.

Lord, I love her voice.


Broken and Ugly
by Beth Hart

Me and my dog, we really get along
Yeah she don't howl, when I'm screamin' my songs
I cuss, I drink, I lie, I spit
Guess I don't really give a shit

Broken and ugly, yes I am
Still I look good divin' in
And mama, I'm runnin' again - Odelay…

Yeah, down in Alabama, where I'm wanted in jail
I'm a little nervous, in the Bible belt
I'm broke, I smoked, and passed out on the bar
Then I took all the money, and your grandma's car

Broken and ugly, yes I am
And still I look good divin' in
And mama, I'm runnin' again - Odelay…

Do what you do, say what you say
Don't waste no time, on yesterdays
Cash in your ticket to ride
Don't let them talk you into walking
Into no one else's shoes
Don't be no sucker in line

Broken and ugly, yes I am
And still I look good divin' in
And mama, I'm runnin' again…
Mama, I'm runnin' again…
Mama, I did it again - Odelay…

Odelay…

Odelay…

Odelay…

There Comes A Moment When You Just Get Tired

I'm fourty-one (41) years old. Now, in the grand scheme of things, I know that's really not that old. It's not like I'm gonna drop dead tomorrow. I can still function without adult diapers, and I can get around on my own power.

But, there is that other thing.

Every actor starts out wanting to be a "star." Just fucking admit it, OK? We all start out there, thinking "I'm gonna go to Hollywood, and my name will be in lights." Some people never get out of it. Those are the people who wind up getting way, way too involved in Community Theatre award presentations. If you've spent any time in those environments, you know what I'm talking about. If you're trying to figure out what gown to wear to the Spartanburg Community Playhouse Awards, you have a problem.

Sooner or later, if you make it out of the "I do it for fun, and the envy of those who couldn't get cast" realm, you start thinking in terms of "making a living." Which, don't get me wrong, is FAR healthier. How can I take this (lets be honest) meager set of skills they gave me a degree for, use it to put a roof over my head, and food on my table. Again, very healthy, but I also see friends on this track doing work in productions that are  painfully and obviously sub-par, just to get a check.

Which is fine...but I did that for a while. It was fun, I surfed a lot, how could it not be? It also didn't really feel like I was "artistically satisfied." I was satisfied in a hell of a lot of other ways, so, as Alfred E. Newman would say, "what, me worry?"

Deep down, as I have said before, I do this for myself. Not in the "hey, look at me!" Community Theatre model, but in the "what can I give of myself to this?" model. It's not that I haven't done shows for the fun of the show or the people doing it, or for the notoriety of working with certain people, or organizations. I have. That's part of the game. I've also always tried to put something of myself into those jobs, and sometimes that's a struggle.

I want to do good work. I'd like to make a living doing it, but that seems more and more like a pipe dream. It's the great Catch-22 of working in this kind of environment. I work a full-time job, so I can do theatre without feeling like I have to make enough to live on. It allows me to do shows for companies who can't pay a living wadge...but it also makes it easy to feel like I don't need a living wadge from acting.

I don't regret that, really. I guess. I like to work, and I generally get something for it. 

I honestly, have been pecking at this blog entry for days now. I don't even know if I'm still on track toward a point. What the hell, right? It's my goddamn blog, right?

I guess right now I'm thinking about the future. Where is this all going? What am I trying to accomplish in my life? Do I want to succeed and more forward at my "job?" Or is that a distraction from my "career?" Am I sabotaging myself by not pushing and pushing to move up the ladder? Should I be working for my TV/commercial/film work?

It's all feeling a bit overwhelming, right now.