Thursday, September 17, 2009


Ladies and gentlemen it's one of "THOSE" days....

I am tired, cranky, and I didn't run this morning, which means I MUST use some of my precious night off to do so, AND we have to clean for the impending arrival of CByrd's mom for the Springsteen show. Add various other frustrations and challenges, shake and...

One of "THOSE" days.

One of those days when I feel a ton of guilt over my schedule, and how it means I have to miss two nights of rehearsal going into tech week.

One of those days when I spend a lot of time thinking about how badly my auditions have been going lately, and I indulge a bunch of fears that I have reached the peak of my abilities. The fear that it's all downhill from here, and maybe quitting while I'm ahead is a good idea. Or at least switching to directing.

There are times when I feel uniquely untalented. When those old fears that, in fact, I am a sham, and that any work I've gotten over the last 15 years has been solely on the basis of my being able to fool a bunch of people into thinking I know what I'm doing. I mean, if I was REALLY talented I'd be making a living doing this, wouldn't I?


Yeah, one of "THOSE" days.

Intellectually, I know this is just a phase, a cycle that every creative person goes through. Things don't go your way for a while, you don't get those roles you wanted, you can't get the guitar to make the sounds you want to hear, you're not getting any feedback on that play you wrote. Little things, but they start to pile up, and grow bigger in your head. It's insidious, really, and also inescapable. There's NO WAY to avoid it, it's as much a part of the creative life as rejection and critics that see our work far too clearly for comfort.

Yeah, one of "THOSE" days.

It's part of the deal.

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