The Muppets tonight. What did I have to be grumpy about?
Well, I spent most of the day fighting off a lingering feeling that I was a loser. It's a sensation that I'm quite used to, honestly. That I'm a fool, that these people who claim to like me and enjoy my company, well, I've just somehow fooled them. Ditto the people who actually think I'm talented. It was a gray day. That's probably the best way to put it.
Now I know that my life is nothing to be upset about. I'm healthy and comfortable. Plus, without getting into detail, I also got hit with a pretty solid reminder that things could be much worse yesterday. Life plays no favorites, and we all ought to cherish and value what we have. It makes me feel like a selfish ass to feel like this, in the face of that.
That said, I also have a right to be sad. To let those things around me that nag and pull down on me, well, to let them have their way. I know a hell of a lot of people out there think I'm a downer, even if I prefer to call myself a realist, but, y'know, damn it, I can be light hearted, at times, too.
I don't even really know what it is. The extension of Bus Stop at Raven Theatre being cancelled because Paula Wagner may be bringing it back to Broadway? Probably part of it. I like this cast, and, frankly, the money would've been a nice supplement to my saving for the 2012 SDCC.
I also, and look, I'm not trying to denigrate anybody, but I'm spending time trying to make myself excited about the projects I have on the horizon. I'm still stinging a little from a role I was after, in a interesting production with a company I want to get involved with, going to an Equity actor. Hey, that's the way it goes, the decision makes sense, and I understand why things went the way they did.
But it stings. Especially since I'm finding out a lot of people I really love to work with are going to be part of it. It also leaves me in a position of doing a show which, without a doubt, will be excellent, but in which I have VERY little to do....
Y'know, this is silly.
Frankly, this probably has more than a little to do with the change to fall/winter weather. We had a long stretch of warmth in October, and now our time has run out, and we're heading into winter, for real.
I'm certain to snap out of it. I know I am. Thank God I'm gonna let The Muppets have their way with me tonight....