Friday, October 1, 2010

Ahhh, Friday

Extremely short handed at work today. Which, I guess, is just the perfect way to wrap up a week that's been fairly stressful and depressing. I don't want to get into all that, because, well, what's the point? I can vent all day, and the problem(s) will persist. It's a "theatre thing," of course, so no worries about the personal life and all that.

I did manage to find a new suit this week, which is great. We've got some weddings to attend over the next few weeks, and folks seem to frown upon my "jeans and sports coat" look. Last wedding we went to, I trotted out the last suits I got (over a decade ago...yeah, I don't dress up often), and found that I could manage to get the pants on, but it felt like I was getting pinched in half. The evening ended up being fine, I guess, but I was not comfortable.

I went to Macy's, and found a jacket and pants that fit very well. The sleeves felt a bit short, which is a recurring problem for me an my "gorilla arms." I started talking to the salesman about having some alterations done, and he assured me, strongly, that the cut of the jacket was perfect for me. I mean, what the hell do I know about suits, or fashion, at all? He says this is the "cool" look.

Apparently, It's OK to look like Frankenstein when you reach out while wearing a suit.

Ok, it's not really THAT extreme. But , hey, you learn something new everyday.

Anyway, in all other respects, a lovely suit. Better fitting than pretty much any I've ever owned. I also like the material and the lining. Top it off, it was ON SALE!!!

So there you go.

We're into the final, no more chances, weekend of The Sound of a Yellow Flower.

 As I write this there are only three more performances. Tonight, tomorrow night, and Sunday afternoon. Last chance, so...don't say I didn't warn you.

The weekend will be fairly busy, the show, of course, and auditions on Saturday and Sunday. Both interesting shows, but one more than the other. It's weird to be auditioning for stuff so far in advance, but, I gues that's how things are going....

Along those lines...

I think I've finally come to a place where a new way of looking at how I give myself over to work needs to happen. For a very long time, I have tried to steer myself away from attitudes and actions I felt were "selfish." I had this belief that good will and loyalty were destined for reward. That you could stand up for yourself and still be deferential to those around you. Well, in recent weeks/months, I've found that I need to adjust that attitude.

I think I need to be more selfish, more protective of myself. Not just in actions (because, I figure at least a few people already think I am), but also in spirit. I'm well and truly sick of feeling guilty when I take actions for my own good, or to protect myself. Not only do I need to act for my own good, because no one else is going to do it for me, but I also have to not feel bad about it. I've spent too damn much time agonizing over how people would think of me.

Really, it only matters what I think of me. I don't want to intentionally piss anyone off, but, damn it, if you're my friend you ought to understand when I take an action that is for myself, it's for a reason. If you're upset that I would do that, then I guess maybe you need to re-assess our relationship.

To be clear, I'm not looking to be an asshole. I'm just looking to not be steamrolled, to not end up in situations where I feel crappy and depressed. Your friendship is always welcome, but I'm not putting my own feelings on the back-burner anymore.

...Yeah, I know. That'll last a week.

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