Sometimes I Think I Want to Write a Book

A book about acting. Which probably is horribly, horribly egotistical of me. I mean, who the hell am I? I'm a 40-year-old guy, with an undergrad degree from a school no one's heard of, and I've hardly achieved any sort of "success," in terms of making a living, from my work.

Yet, I feel like I might have something to say. Something to say about the type of work that (statistics say) the vast majority of "working" actors out there are doing. The "$400 for the run" gigs that aren't paying the bills, or the "for the experience" gigs just because you liked the script. Something about living a life where you come to understand that those dreams you had, aren't going to happen, and that doing the work becomes more and more important.

Because, what I can say is, as far as I know, out of everyone I studied with, only one or two others are still in the game. The rest fell by the wayside at some point, or another. I don't consider that anything special, honestly, I just realized that this acting thing was what I was best at, and, the more I did it, the less I could imagine living without it. The way it fed my soul became more important than how it fed my wallet.

Not that I don't wrestle with the guilt of being away from CByrd so much, and not really bringing anything back to the nest for it. The worst part is that I feel she makes sacrifices for me, and my "career," such as it is. I worry about the "two-way street" all the time.

Thing is, I never, ever saw a book about how my life turned out. About the...I guess you'd have to call it the lowered expectations...of juggling trying to be a "semi-professional" actor (which is the best description I know, I do get paid, but I also can't rely on it), with a day job, and some kind of home life, etc, etc. Not like I have it figured out myself, but that is the reality I see, that I live. The reality of just about every, single actor I know in Chicago. Things that no acting book I've ever picked up and read has ever, ever touched upon.

I don't really get much out of trying to tell someone HOW to act (or someone telling me how to), that's such a personal thing. I mean, I felt like Mamet's True and False opened my eyes completely, but others think it's garbage. I'm not talking about "how do I get an agent," or any other such "expert" advice that really doesn't help all that much. 

I'm sure someone will tell me this book has already been written.