I cannot get a handle on where I'm supposed to be right now.
My creative energies are scrambled and, well, lost. The love of the work that gave me solace and a sense of self is harder and harder to find. I find myself longing to shut myself into my "studio" and just make music. Retreat into myself, just as I did in College.
I've found myself thinking a lot about my future as an actor. I don't know if it's just because I'm burnt out, or if I've genuinely just lost my passion for it. The worst thing is, I'm working right now, and it's throwing me off, I can't seem to learn lines, I can't focus. Which makes me feel like I'm letting people down, which just makes me more depressed, and...well, spiral of self-loathing, y'know?
The thing about when I work on my musical explorations, it's just me, y'know? I don't have to ask anyone else to give me an opportunity, I don't have to wait for somebody to allow me to do the kind of work I'm passionate about...it's all me. It's also all me in terms of who I can let down. If I listen back to my latest track, and I think my voice sounds like shit...well, no one has to pay the price but me if I just don't find the strength to fix it.