Like most people, my day-to-day life consists of a routine. I get up about the same time every day, I work out, I go to work. I come home.
If I'm in a show, I usually go to rehearsal. If not, most often I go home and watch some TV (maybe too often), or I'll play my guitar. Work on a script....
I REALLY need to put some time in on that play I'm trying to hack out a first draft on. I've got the time right now. The comic script is done and off to the artist, but we've already discussed an arc for the first four issues of a regular run. So, I'll have to start on an outline and such for that sooner or later.
Recently, I've become extremely aware of that idea that time seems to move faster and faster as you grow older. (Although, the 4 months between right now and my trip to SDCC will, of course drag like nothing else in life) I mean, I'm almost 40...I can say "pushing 40" now, I think...and sometimes I'll be looking in the mirror, shaving or something, and think, "I was twenty just yesterday, what the hell happened?"
I had lots and lots of dreams as a teenager and in my early twenties. Filmmaker, actor, movie star...The world was my oyster, and I would work my ass off to get where I wanted to go.
Well...as with many things, you don't get it all. The way I see it, you can keep fighting, or get bitter about everything. The sad thing is, I think far too many people around me just got bitter, and frankly, it's got everything to do with jealousy.
Y'know, I never became a movie star, and odds are I never will. The odds are actually quite slim that I'll ever be able to make a living doing what I truly love to do. That hurts some days, but the last thing I'm going to do is take it out on people who've had the strength and will to achieve their goals.
Y'know what I'm talking about, the people who hate famous people just because they are famous. Who continually bitch about having certain actors or actresses "shoved in their face." I listen to these rants, which usually come so often that I wonder if they aren't shoving these hated celebrities into their own face, just to continue complaining.
Every. Single. Time. I can't help but feel that what's really being bitched about is this person's own lot in life. Their own fear about their own accomplishments, and the worth of same. Who gives a crap if Kristen Stewart's face is on ten billion Twilight t-shirts? Doesn't change the fact that's she's quite good in Adventureland and The Runaways.
It's jealousy. If you're honest with yourself, that's exactly what it is. The reality-series culture that's convinced all of us (yes even the actors, who bitch about "losing work" to reality TV) that somehow we all deserve to be famous. I feel it myself, I won't lie. I see Sam Worthington becoming the new "it boy," and how I find his performances to be less than charismatic, and wonder why it can't be me. I see John Hamm on Mad Men, and think...well, I think he's astonishing, frankly, but also...that I could do that, too.
But here's a lesson we could all learn....
No one "deserves" anything. You make your own future, and you unmake it. The best you can do, in all things, is be comfortable with all the choices you've made in your life, and try to keep your creative soul lit and burning. I'm starting a show next week for which I will get paid exactly nothing, but the role is exciting in a number of ways. That's gonna have to be the payment, and I've grown to accept that as enough.
Most of the time. Some days it's very, very hard.