Thursday, August 11, 2011

My Needs Are Important, Or, The Lando Calrissian Factor

I've written about my feeling that the time had come to be more selfish about my commitments, and my time.

I don't know how well I've lived up to that. Maybe better than I feel I have. I've certainly just...not done things that I didn't want to do.Yet, I still feel the weight of expectation, and commitment, to things I really find myself just not being all that excited about. Or that I find frustrating, and don't see a lot of benefit coming back from.

Cassius It's Over by Outsider
Every relationship is a contract. Your contract means to give something to get something. Well, see, the way I've tried to work since I wrote those blogs above is that, if I'm not getting something, then I'm not overly interested in giving something. I don't even expect to get a lot, but I expect to receive something rewarding. Something that will excite me, remind me why I entered into the contract, and why I'm giving what I am.

So, what do you do when it's absolutely, crystal clear that, as far as direct, personal benefit, you're not going to be seeing anything for the foreseeable future? How's that going to affect your attitude about providing your part of the "contract."

The answer is; not very happy.

Of course, there are intangibles. We're talking about a business contract here, but personal feelings can't be excluded. Maybe, despite the fact you're not getting much in the way of tangibles from the relationship, maybe you do, truly, like working with the people you're involved with. That can keep you rolling for quite a while.

But not forever.

That only goes so far. It's tough to weigh personal warmth and friendship against personal satisfaction and fulfillment. It leads to a lot of self-evaluation and reflection.

What else can I say but, I'm looking some things in my life, and thinking "no one's getting anything worthwhile out of this." So, the question is...are the intangibles good enough for me to keep working on a relationship that appears, to hold little direct benefit for me? Is it right for me to become careless about my responsibilities because I'm seeing little reward?

Yes, this deal IS getting worse all the time.

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