"In a World Where I Feel So Small, I Can't Stop Thinking Big"

I feel small.

I feel insignifigant.

I feel lost. I feel alone. I feel betrayed. I feel redundant. I feel like an asshole. I feel selfish. I feel passed-over. I feel like a failure. I feel it slipping out of my control. I feel every mistake I've ever made. I feel the ground giving way under my feet. I feel strong. I feel weak. I feel brave. I feel frightened.

Sometimes, I am certain I feel too much. Sometimes I feel like there's so many conflicting things in my heart and in my head that I may go crazy. I'm sure lots of people feel that. We are all creatures of feeling.

But, sometimes, I wish I could stop. Sometimes I wish I could embrace my inner Vulcan, put aside all of these stupid emotions, these useless fears, and just push through with logic and rational thought.

But it's never that easy, is it? Fulfillment is never just about us, what we can make happen, but also about what trust others put into us. What trust others are willing to place on us, what faith they have in our abilities. Sometimes, I hear the voice in my head that sees all too clearly that precious few people are really willing to bank on me. That, often correctly, reminds me that trust is a foolish endeavor. That being selfish is the only way to ever possibly move yourself forward.

That, my friends, makes me sad. It makes me sad, searching for an environment where one will be challenged, supported and nurtured, then, time and again, feeling themselves left behind, and left out. Life confirms, over and over again, that to trust is foolish, teamwork is a dead end.

I find myself, in times like these, turning to music more and more often.



Caravan
by Rush

In a world lit only by fire

Long train of flares under piercing stars

I stand watching the steamliners roll by

The caravan thunders onward

To the distant dream of the city

The caravan carries me onward

On my way at last

On my way at last

I can’t stop thinking big

I can’t stop thinking big

On a road lit only by fire

Going where I want, instead of where I should

I peer out at the passing shadows

Carried through the night into the city

Where a young man has a chance of making good

A chance to break from the past

The caravan thunders onward

Stars winking through the canvas hood

On my way at last

In a world where I feel so small

I can’t stop thinking big

First reaction to new Rush tracks.

So, I've been able to listen to Caravan and BU2B a few times over now. (3 times in a row on the train this AM) I think that's enough to give first impressions.

If these tracks are indicative of the ultimate sound of the Clockwork Angels album, when it finally gets released next year, I'd generally say the boys aren't straying far from the last album. These two tracks sound, generally, like the heavier tracks on Snakes and Arrows. However, I also feel some of the chaotic energy of the previous record, Vapor Trails.

Of course, that "chaotic energy" may have just been my reaction to rather muddy mastering. Yeah, it's true it could've sounded a little cleaner, but I, personally, like Vapor Trails a whole hell of a lot. The songwriting is rock-solid.

So, these are two pretty up-front, rocking tracks. They do remind me of Far Cry, the first single from Snakes and Arrows. It's that same kind of lock-step power playing that Rush has embraced in the 21st century. Part of the joy, and frustration, of being a Rush fan is that they tend to switch things up a lot. Everyone remembers the "synth and electronic drums" period of the late 80's, and still complains about it. Me, I think they put out some classic tracks in that era, even if it was, overall, a kind of fallow period.

the new tracks are catchy and the band is really playing better than ever. It's 3 old pros, now, and I honestly believe they couldn't make a "bad" album if they tried. They've played together too long, and their rapport is too strong, to let anything get completely out of control.

But...

The band's been embracing this same, general sound since Test For Echo in 1996. You could argue even earlier than that. I know that's only 3 albums ago, but it's fourteen years. Fifteen by the time Clockwork Angels actually streets. I almost feel like I'd get excited if the synths made an aggressive return. (But leave the electronic drums out of it, Professor.)

That said, it's new Rush, and that's great news.

Good Tuesday with New Rush music.

Of course, to the guy who posted "where's the guitar?" regarding these songs;

You, sir...are a moron.





I'll be downloading these as soon as I get home from rehearsal tonight. It's a big Rush month, with these new songs, Seeing the documentary on June 10th, the subsequent Blu-Ray release of same, and, finally, seeing the band on July 5th.